Paranoia Is My Middle Name
by Yay Ninja Bob
Summary: CH2 UP! Tweek's paranoia has led to him accidentally murder someone. Will he be able to fool the victim's best friend? Can he keep it a secret from his best friend Craig? Or is it too much pressure? PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Pillow Fight

**Paranoia Is My Middle Name**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

Chapter 1: Pillow Fight

It was the ending of the first quarter at South Park High School. Sixteen-year-old Tweek sat by the window in his room, staring at the mail box, waiting intently for the man in the blue uniform to arrive with his quarter grades. When the little white truck finally pulled up in front of his house, Tweek thought he would faint. "_Oh, Jesus!_" he screamed, ducking out of view from the window, as if the mailman would not deliver the mail if he didn't see the boy. Tweek sat hiding beneath his window, wringing his hands nervously, not knowing what to do. He peeked out the window and saw the mailman already driving away.

The jittery boy paced back and forth in his room, pulling at his own hair, "_Jesus Christ! _My grades are here! Holy crap, what the hell did I get in Chemistry?_ Ahhhh!_" he span around several times and then came to a stop, "_I failed! _I just know it! _Gah! _I failed Chem!"

The nervous boy fell onto his bed. He lied there for a long time, his chest moving up and down as he breathed heavily. He felt his breath getting faster and shorter, "_Jesus-Christ-I'm-hyp-er-vent-il-at-ing-a-gain!_" he said between gasps. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a brown paper bag and uncrumpled it. He sat up and breathed in and out of the bag.

The door bell suddenly rang, and with the paper bag still cupped over his mouth, he went to answer it. Continuing to inhale and exhale heavily, he opened the door to see Craig dangling Tweek's mail in front of him.

"Oh, Jesus!" Tweek muffled through the bag and he slammed the door in Craig's face, but quickly reopened it.

Craig brushed past him, inviting himself inside, "I figured you'd need help with this," he said as the two walked down the hall to Tweek's room. Craig snatched the paper bag from Tweek and threw it at his feet, "Get a grip, Dude."

Tweek took a deep breath.

"Good," Craig smiled and handed Tweek the envelope which contained his grades, "Now open it."

Tweek slowly took the envelope, and with shaking hands, he began to tear its seal. He pulled the folded paper from the envelope and immediately dropped it with a scream as if it were scorching hot.

Craig rolled his eyes at the shaking kid, picked up the report card, and unfolded it, "English… 'A'," he read aloud, "French 2... 'B+'. Algebra 2... 'B'. Photography… 'A'. U.S. History… 'A-'. Chemistry… 'B-'."

Tweek let out a scream, fell to the floor, and jumped back up. He snatched the paper from Craig's hands and read it over and over again, verifying what his friend had just read. "_Oh, Jesus!_" Tweek exclaimed, not tearing his eyes away from his report card, "'B-' in Chemistry? _Ahh!_"

"Dude, I got a 'D'. That's great."

"No, it isn't!" Tweek said shaking the paper furiously in his hands, "'B-' is practically a 'C'! No! It _is _a 'C'! Now I have to study even more, because I'll constantly remember this '_B-'_ that is so narrowly riding between a '_C'_ and a_ 'B'_! _Ahh!_ Why do they even have the minus and the plus? The minus just freaks you out!"

"Obviously…" Craig said under his breath.

"And the plus!" Tweek continued, "All it does is give you a fall sense of hope! All the 'B+' does is trick you into thinking that if you work hard enough, that 'B+' can turn into an 'A', but then you don't work hard enough to get that 'B' which is a 'B-', but is _really _a 'C'! _Ahhh!_"

Craig grabbed the report card from Tweek's grasp and ripped it in two, "Quarter grades don't count," he said ripping the paper into fourths. He let the shreds of paper fall to the floor, "Come on, let's go see a movie."

Tweek shook his head violently, "This isn't any time for a movie! I gotta study! I gotta call Kyle so he can tutor me some more! I gotta--"

"You gotta calm your ass down," Craig interrupted, "Dude, if you don't wanna see a movie, fine. But you seriously need to get your mind off school. Fuck, you don't want your head to explode, do you?"

"No!"

"Of course not," he paused, "Let's go get Clyde and Token and go down to the arcade."

"Nah," Tweek said slightly calmer, "I don't feel like leaving the house…"

"Well then fuck you, Dude," Craig said casually giving Tweek the finger, "I'll be at my house watching _Kill Bill_," Craig turned to leave, "When you stop being such a fucking nerd, you can come over and check out Uma Thurman's sweet ass and cat fight after cat fight with me."

Tweek gave Craig a weak smile. He watched his friend leave the room; he went to his window and saw Craig leave his house, "And I better not find out that you started studying as soon as I left!" he called out just before he disappeared across the street, where he had been a neighbor to Tweek all his life.

The teenage boy tried to get his mind off his grades, but he just couldn't. He couldn't help it. How could he _not_ constantly worry about those letters that so heavily decided his future? He couldn't help but pick up his Chemistry book and skim through the periodic table a few times. He couldn't help but pick up the phone and ask Kyle to come over and help him.

When he hung up the phone with Kyle, Tweek felt an incredible panic rush through his veins, caused by the fact that Craig may discover that he was studying. Tweek had always been somewhat of a loner. He had friends, but they seemed to change almost annually. The only true friend Tweek ever had was Craig. And being the paranoid kid he was, Tweek constantly feared losing him.

Kyle arrived at Tweek's, slightly annoyed that the boy called him over for an "emergency tutor session" on a Saturday. The red head lied, stretched out on Tweek's bed, tossing a pillow in the air, while quizzing Tweek on various chemistry equations.

"How many atoms in a mole?" Kyle asked, his voice monotone.

"Uh… a mole? Oh, Christ!" Tweek paced back and forth, "Uh… 6.022... 6.022... _Ahh! I can't remember!_"

"It's 6.022--"

"Don't tell me! _Gah!_" he pulled at his blonde hair, "…6.022045--"

"Yo! Tweek!" Craig called from outside.

"_Jesus Christ!_" Tweek rushed to the window and saw that Craig was coming inside, "Oh my god! Kyle--"

"It's 6.022045 times ten to the twenty-third power…"

"_Shh_! Kyle shut up! Craig's gonna get pissed if he--"

"It's also known as Avogadro's number…" Kyle continued, not really hearing him.

"Kyle! Quiet!" Tweek rushed over to him, grabbed the pillow from his hands, and pressed it over his face.

"_Hey! What the fuck?_" Kyle screamed barely audible through the pillow.

Tweek pushed the pillow harder against Kyle's face, so that he was unable to hear his yelling and cursing.

"Tweek, you in your room?" Craig called out as he walked towards Tweek's room.

"Uh… Yeah! Just… give me a second!" Tweek fought to keep Kyle down.

"You okay?"

"Yeah! Just hold on! _Don't come in!_"

"Dude… are you jacking off?" Craig said now at the door.

"What? Jesus Christ! _No!_" Tweek looked down at Kyle, "_Oh my god!_" Tweek shrieked. Kyle wasn't moving.

* * *

So how is it? Be honest. Is it good? Bad? Please review! 


	2. Craig's Discovery

**Paranoia Is My Middle Name**

_A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California._

Chapter 2: Craig's Discovery

Tweek threw the pillow across the room, and stared down at Kyle. The redhead's eyes were closed and his mouth opened slightly ajar. "…K-k-kyle?…" Tweek whispered softly.

"Tweek! You okay?" Craig knocked on the door.

Tweek looked back at the door and then down at the motionless Kyle, "…Uh… I'll meet you at your house in a few minutes!" Tweek called out to Craig.

"…Okay…" Craig said somewhat suspicious, "See ya there," Craig pretended to walk away; he could tell something was wrong. He quietly crept up to the door of Tweek's room and pressed his ear against it.

Tweek slowly stretched out his shaking hand, and touched Kyle's shoulder lightly, "K-kyle?" he gulped, "…Oh Jesus…" he slowly began to back away from what he now realized to be a dead Kyle. He hit the wall behind him and slowly slid down to the floor. He stared at Kyle, in a state of utter shock.

And then it hit him. The frightful reality of what he had just done finally reached him, greeting him with a slap in the face, and Tweek lost it. He jumped up from the ground and frantically looked about the room as if he could find an answer hidden somewhere on his computer desk, book shelf, or closet… "The closet!" Tweek thought out loud. He quickly grabbed Kyle's lifeless body and laid him on the floor of his closet.

Meanwhile, Craig on the other side of the door, had not been able to piece together what had happened. He heard Tweek's footsteps coming to the door and he quickly ran down the hall.

When Tweek opened the door, Craig acted like he had just arrived, "Dude, what's taking so long?" he asked as calm and casual as possible.

Tweek closed his door behind him, without saying anything.

Craig raised an eyebrow, "Are you okay, Tweek?"

Tweek looked up at Craig, "…Yeah… just… upset about that grade in chemistry…"

"…Right…" Craig said, not believing him, but not showing any sign of his skepticism to Tweek.

"What did you want?"

Craig almost forgot the reason why he had came over to his friend's house in the first place. He snapped his fingers when he finally recalled the purpose for his visit, "Stan just came over to my house. We were watching the Rockies game. Top of first and they already scored seven! Wanna join us?"

Tweek hesitated, "…Sure."

As the two walked over to Craig's house, Craig studied his fidgety friend closely. He seemed distracted and a lot more than usual. "You sure you're okay?" Craig asked as the two reached the street curb.

Tweek cautiously looked both ways before crossing the street, "I'm fine," he said.

Craig stared at him in an uneasy way.

"_I said I'm fine!_" Tweek screamed.

Craig frowned, but remained silent.

While watching the game, Tweek couldn't sit still. Well, he almost could _never _sit still, but his restlessness seemed even more extreme that day to Craig. Stan also noticed his odd behavior, not to mention the fact that Kyle did not come over with him.

"Tweek, Dude, where's Kyle?" Stan asked.

"_What whaddya mean?_" Tweek jumped.

"He called me like twenty minutes ago saying that he was on the way over to your house," Stan said, "He couldn't have left already."

"Uh…" Tweek stared blankly at the raven haired kid. He tried hard to think of something… anything, but he couldn't.

"Tweek?" Craig said worried. He looked to Stan; "I think Tweek's getting sick…" he started. Craig could sense something was definitely wrong with him, "I saw Kyle leave a while ago," he lied. Craig laughed a little, "Tweek probably threw up in his face or something! The fucking nerd got a 'B-' in chemistry and he thinks it's the end of the world!"

Stan smirked at Tweek, "Dude, you're pathetic!" he said reclining in his chair a little, "I got a 'C' and proud of it."

Tweek watched the two laugh at him. He stared at Craig, not really understanding why he lied about Kyle. He couldn't have seen Kyle leave, because he was dead in his closet.

"Maybe you should go home, Dude," Stan suggested.

"Yeah," Craig said, "Lie down…"

"Relax..."

"Sip on some coffee…"

"Put your feet up…"

"Turn on a porno…"

The two erupted in laughter again and Tweek nervously laughed with them.

"Seriously, Tweek, you need to calm down," Stan said, "I mean it's not a big deal."

"Yeah," Craig said.

It was silent for a long time, as the three boys glued their eyes to the television, watching the Rockies score another run. Stan and Craig clapped and cheered and Tweek simply smiled, still visibly shaking.

Tweek couldn't take his mind off what he had just done. He _killed _Kyle. He didn't mean to, of course, but how would anyone believe him? How the hell was he going to get himself out of this? Sooner or later, somebody was going to realize that Kyle was missing. A kid like Kyle would never run away, so they'd right away suspect something… and because Kyle was last seen with Tweek, the police would go to him… and when they'd go, they'd want to search his house… and when they did that, they would discover Kyle's body in his closet, arrest Tweek, give him life in prison, and he'd fry on the chair, "**_OH, JESUS CHRIST!_**" Tweek shrieked.

Stan and Craig stared at Tweek for a long time, and the boy was about ready to have to explain his sudden outburst, but the two simply began to laugh at him again.

"I… I… I'm going to go home…" Tweek said. He couldn't bear to be there anymore. He had to go home. He had to sit down and think. He had to try to construct some sort of plan on how he was going to cover up this murder.

Tweek arrived at his house and went straight to the closet where Kyle was. He opened the closet door and stared down at the dead body. The boy was already contemplating ideas about hacking up the kid's body into little pieces and ridding of him by dumping his body parts down the kitchen disposal… but that was too gruesome for him. There was no way he could ever do anything like that…

But what else could he do? How else could he avoid becoming a convicted murderer?

"_Holy shit!_"

Tweek jumped and whipped around quickly, "**_Jesus Christ! Craig!_**"

Craig stood behind Tweek, staring wide-eyed down at the dead Kyle, "Oh my god…" he shook his head in disbelief, "Tweek… what did you _do_?"


End file.
